| And the beat goes on... I've been doin' pretty well over the summer, but no matter how hard I try to shake Korea (not that I've really been trying) somewhere inside me there is this eternal love for the people there that I don't think is going to leave. I've actually been in contact with a bunch of Korean people here in Raleigh... but rather than satisfying my longing to be back, it only manages to magnify those feelings. At times I wonder how I can have so many friends and still feel lonely at times. I also wonder sometimes why God chooses to take us back over and over... doesn't really make sense to me. I've been reading Blue like Jazz this week, it's made me think about a lot of things... I also wonder why it is that whenever I decide to post on Xanga I feel depressed... hmm . But on a lighter note... Sharla will be at my house this week, and Roy Kwon will get here the 13th, I'm pretty stoked about that. Anyway, some random thoughts... but sometimes your heart is heavy, and you gotta sort through it. One last thing, I have a friend named Lindsay, whose dad is in the hospital with meningitis (sp?) for the 16th time. Pray for her please. And finally, this is for anybody who can relate, but mostly for my friend, my savior, Jesus Christ...
God-
If I could live with the passion of my heart, my whole being would surely grow tired from serving you with everything. I step back though, and realize that apart from you the desires of my heart will never be the actions of my hands. Why is it that I choose to stand alone and fight a losing battle against my own flesh. It seems like I willingly step in the path of pride, of lust, of laziness and so many others... then decide I am capable of conquering them alone. I feel like a little yapping dog, ready to pick a fight with great dane, I feel sometimes that I can bark with the best of them, talk as the holiest of saints, but choose to ignore my overwhelming insufficiencies, and the father so ready to carry my burdens. "My spirit is willing, but my flesh is so weak." Maybe someday I will understand your beautiful grace, I pray that others will be as forgiving of me as you forever are. I thank you God that my brokenness is covered by the righteousness of Christ, and ask that in my inability to pay such an incredible debt, you would take my hands and use them for your glory, that you would touch my lips as an instrument of your praise, that you would slay the fear in me and allow me to speak your name boldly. I must once again stand in awe of you and cry...
My Father, in Heaven - So Holy is your name.
May your kingdom come, may you somehow use me to make your name known among the nations. May your will be done Father, here on Earth - even in this time of darkness, may your will be done with the perfection of that place you have prepared.
As you provided manna in the desert will you give me this day my daily bread - you and your word. Nourish me with the one thing I truly need - the only lasting satisfaction.
And Lord, as I strive to forgive those around me who have caused me a mere inconvenience - I myself need your overwhelming forgiveness for the countless ways I have been found short of your glory and have broken your trust.
Father wrap your arms around me, and protect me even from my own evil desires. Lead me not into temptation Lord, but deliver me... deliver me from evil.
I ask God that you would take my life, and with it the power the glory, the praise.
-Amen |
